Are you certain that this time will be different only to be disappointed?
As soon as you become close to your partner, do they suddenly pull away or disappear? Or do you?
Are you settling for less than you want?
Do your relationships drain you?
Do you feel like you no longer trust your own dating instincts?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you probably are showing up emotionally unavailable yourself. Yes, I know this is harsh, but what you attract isn’t an accident. You play an integral role in choosing partners AND you teach people how to treat you.
Let’s take a relationship inventory. Write a list of all your past partners and what went wrong in each relationship. Now, identify the role you played in these relationships not working. In this exercise, ask yourself, what didn’t I say in this relationship? Did I share what I wanted or needed? If you did, did they hear you? If not, did you allow unacceptable behavior? Did you set any boundaries for yourself? After you’ve taken a thorough inventory, look for any patterns.
We learn early on how to connect in relationships through our parents, loved ones or previous partners. In adulthood, we have to look inward at how we’re connecting with others to become aware of what we need to do to work on ourselves.
Building awareness, identifying red flags, setting boundaries, and developing trust are all possible once you understand how and why you’re attracting the wrong people in your life.